I dunno what's happening lately, but I've been in this really weird funk for the last few days. It seems to be a combination of feeling drained, unmotivated, slightly irritable and borderline depressed. I've found that when I'm with people, I'm pretty good, although some people have had the "privilege" of seeing this side of me. But when I'm by myself, all I want to do is either sleep or cry.
Take today, for instance. The entire day, I really didn't feel like talking to anybody, but because I was at school, I really couldn't avoid it. But when people ask me what's going on, the truly honest answer would be 'I don't know', which to some would raise a few mental flags. Granted, I was feeling really tired and irritable, but I've usually been pretty good at fighting it off.
Then last Saturday, I found myself working the film event at the coffee house. The event was really fun and enjoyable, except for the unbelievably bad, tremendously offensive and completely unfunny stand up comedy routines that included such "jokes" as:
'Why did God create winter?'
'To kill the homeless.'
But amidst a room full of nice people, I was in that space where I really didn't want to talk to people, but didn't really have a choice. The worst part of it was trying to keep to myself while surrounded by fellow baristas Natasha, Miranda, Melissa and Curtis.
Even as I type this, I'm noticing that my whole body is beginning to feel really heavy, as if I'm on my last ounce of strength and fighting to stay awake, even though I'm not tired.
I'm not really sure what it is, although I have my theories. Maybe blogging about this will be an outlet that will lead to some sort of healing. Until then, I think I need to spend some time in stillness and quiet with God, cuz I have a feeling part of why I feel the way I do is because of something He's got in store that's just around the corner.