How I Feel
Have you ever seen the movie 'Tommy Boy'? There's a scene in the movie where Chris Farley and David Spade are sitting in a diner order food, and Chris is describing how he feels. He take a dinner roll, starts to pet it, then says he takes things too far and demolishes something beautiful. Well, this is how I feel right now. Through what I believe is a series of things I've done, I feel that I've taken something beautiful, a great friendship that had all the potential in the world, and destroyed it. I really hope this isn't the case, but I guess time will tell what the repercussions will be from my actions. But to be totally honest, it seems as if I've hit an all time low. It would seem to be really twisted to say this, but perhaps the silver lining to this situation is that I've learned A LOT about myself through this experience. I've learned that I can be WAY too forward, and because of this, not take other peoples' feelings into consideration. It's as if I'm an emotional steamroller, seeing things in front of me, but not changing direction for the sake of what I may roll over. I've also learned that I'm more in my 'element' when I'm with a group of people, but become this bumbling pile of goo when in a more intimate, 1-on-1 setting. I've always thought I was a people person, but perhaps this isn't the case. It's as if I'm afraid of people REALLY finding out about me, and letting people in. Granted, my initial experience here in Canada wasn't one of the better times in my journey, but you'd think that after 2 years, I'd be able to move past that. Ugh, I wonder if I need therapy.