Sunday, May 28, 2006

How I Feel

Have you ever seen the movie 'Tommy Boy'? There's a scene in the movie where Chris Farley and David Spade are sitting in a diner order food, and Chris is describing how he feels. He take a dinner roll, starts to pet it, then says he takes things too far and demolishes something beautiful. Well, this is how I feel right now. Through what I believe is a series of things I've done, I feel that I've taken something beautiful, a great friendship that had all the potential in the world, and destroyed it. I really hope this isn't the case, but I guess time will tell what the repercussions will be from my actions. But to be totally honest, it seems as if I've hit an all time low. It would seem to be really twisted to say this, but perhaps the silver lining to this situation is that I've learned A LOT about myself through this experience. I've learned that I can be WAY too forward, and because of this, not take other peoples' feelings into consideration. It's as if I'm an emotional steamroller, seeing things in front of me, but not changing direction for the sake of what I may roll over. I've also learned that I'm more in my 'element' when I'm with a group of people, but become this bumbling pile of goo when in a more intimate, 1-on-1 setting. I've always thought I was a people person, but perhaps this isn't the case. It's as if I'm afraid of people REALLY finding out about me, and letting people in. Granted, my initial experience here in Canada wasn't one of the better times in my journey, but you'd think that after 2 years, I'd be able to move past that. Ugh, I wonder if I need therapy.


At 10:59 PM, Blogger Al said...


What can I say? Hindsight is always 20/20 and situations in life where we wish we could have done things differently ultimately shape who we are in the future.

We are all works in progress. Chin up friend!


At 11:00 PM, Blogger confessions of a social hermit said...

dude, we ALL need therapy!!!! ha haa
and for what it's worth, i think you're swell!
and i hope to run into you soon!
take it easy and don't be hard on yourself... like you said, you learned stuff about yourself.. so take advantage of that...
but stay cool!
the hermit

At 11:03 PM, Blogger confessions of a social hermit said...


At 4:18 AM, Blogger Lou Renaud said...

I Love your Naked self ! As Al said, we're all works in progress... p.s. thanks for the Real hug you gave me - it felt sincere and healing...You spoke volumes... Thank you, Super Chen !
Love, abby

At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Susan said...

Sorry to read this blog. Nothing hurts more than feeling as if you've damaged a relationship that was important to you. At the risk of being obvious, have you tried apologizing?


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