Insomnia

Ok...this whole 'I can't sleep thing' is seriously getting on my nerves. I get home at around 11:30pm and being the evening ritual of preparing for bed. I floss, brush my teeth, change and rub my belly 16 1/2 times for luck and a good night's sleep. 1:30am rolls around and I'm wide away. I pop a benadryl in hope of being able to go to sleep, but so far, no dice. Some of you are thinking 'Benadryl? Who takes benadryl to sleep?' If you check the active ingredients of any over the counter sleep aid, you'll discover that they're exactly the same as what's in Benadryl. When my bro the pharmacist told me this, I thought he was lying. I mean, this is the same guy who said I have Diabetes because I once went to the bathroom after every ride. What he failed to realize was I kept chugging Gatorade on a cool day and instead of sweating it all out, I needed to pee it out. Genius my brother is. Anyways, I digress.

I'm really beginning to wonder if there's something going on. Perhaps there's something on my mind that's keeping me up at night, or maybe I'm finally facing the repercussions of drinking way too much coffee. Either way, I need sleep, and I'm beginning to consider some more 'radical' options to knock myself out. Maybe I should run head first into the wall and knock myself out, or pay someone to take a bat to my head come midnight. Or, I could possibly hire a myriad of jabberwocky to stick some friggin' forks into me, which will hence forth send me into a deep slumber. Either way, trying to get natural sleep has been failing me these last couple weeks, and desperate times are beginning to becon desperate measures.

I wonder if putting alligator clips on my nipples will do the trick.