Children...

OF THE CORN!!!!!!! Got the honor of experiencing a day of babysitting the 5 Goodyear children, and by 5, I mean the 3 little ones, Sam, Luke and Jake, and the 2 big ones, Nathan and Pernell. Just kidding.

Actually, I found the experience to be quite pleasant. The day began with the chatter of little voices at 7:30am. While being passed out on the couch from a hefty dose of Benadryl, I awaken to the sound of Sam and Luke eating cereal and talking about "stuff". As the Goodyear clan minus Jake leaves, I found myself in a daze from the combination of residual grogginess from the drugs and an addict's twitch for my morning cup of 'black crack' (got that from Ageman). After a shower and 3 cups of coffee, I was ready for what the day had in store. Shortly after this though popped into my head, Jake comes cruisin' down the stairs in his PJ's and bed head, and snuggles up to me. Let me just say this was an experience that made me look forward to having my own kids. Super yahtzee!!

After breakfast and 2 cycles through the same 4 episodes of 'Superfriends', Jake and I head out to pick up Luke from school. Originally, I was gonna drive, but couldn't find the car seat, so we walked. Bad move to the max, yo. Not only was it hot, but it wasn't me walking with the kids, but me walking with the kids on my shoulders.

We finally get back to the house, and start eating lunch. The boys both get a can of "pasta" with "sauce", and I throw down some left over salad, which I hope will do wonders to my severe constipation of a steady diet of FRWY grilled cheese sandwiches and Goodyear hamburgers. After lunch, the boys and I park ourselves in front of the TV and watch 2 more cycles through the same 4 episodes of 'Superfriends'.

Note to self: Superfriends = Evil.

Finally, when the boys get bored, we decide to build a fort. I was expecting something absolutely nutty, but it turned out to be a pretty fun excursion into the mind of a child. Not only do I find out that boys rule, but according to Jake and Luke, I discovered that girls drool. Fancy that!! Anyways, we go at this game of fort for a good 2 hours which entailed us protecting ourselves from the 'evil girls' and pretending to get caught in imaginary webbing.

Note to self: Fort = Exhaustion.

During my time with the boys, there were only a few incidents, all of which had Luke as the main character. Let's just say that I had to send him to his room 3 times.

Note to self: Sending Luke to his room = Hilarious.

3:25pm rolls around and I take the boys to pick up Sam. This time, I wise up and drive over. But what totally made the trip truly memorable was telling the boys that they could each bring one toy. Luke being the one who sweats, spits and urinates testosterone, he brings a plastic gun. Jake, being the one who sweats, spits and urinates something else, he decides to bring a pair of swimming goggles. Imagine this: One boy play shooting me in the back of the head, and the other boy staring chillin' and seeing the world through a pair of blue swimming goggles.

Note to self: Picking up Sam with Luke and Jake in the back seat = Priceless.

Now, I thought it was noisy with just the 2 boys and I, but never did I imagine that it could get even louder. Well, enter Sam, stage right. This girl can TALK!!!!!! Granted, she just spent an afternoon with giraffes, monkeys and yaks, but the conversation rarely stayed on one particular topic for more than 5 seconds. This girl's gonna either be one phenomenal story teller, or kill herself from a lack of oxygen due to the inability to stop talking. Anyways, the remainder of the afternoon was spent with the 3 Goodyear children. Albeit, it was a day filled with exhausting ventures, mind-numbing television and vivid imaginations, I must say that this was probably one of the best days I've ever had.

In conclusion, a final exhortation in the form of a note to self.

Note to self: A day with the Goodyear Children = Reason enough to consider getting a vasectomy.

Just kidding.

Margie and Pernell, thanks for letting me be part of your family today.

Sam, Luke and Jake: Thanks for letting me be your big brother today.

Nathan: Um...got nuthin' for ya baby. Just messin'. Thanks for playin' fort with us kids.